Random Musings of a Frogged Mind

Apparently not.

I had an appt. yesterday with my orthodontist to have my expander put in.  Oh joy, oh bliss.  They were late (oh I will SO have another blog post on that particularly annoying topic) and then the appt. took just under an hour to install this bugger. The Dr and his assistant were teasing that after they got it cemented in, they’d turn their backs and I’d run for the door.  I said, like hell, I’d want to come back and have the damn thing removed, then I’d run for the door.   They did say ‘cemented’ but it’s not cement, they use epoxy … in my mouth ~shudder~.

Ain’t it pretty?  My mom is super creeped out by it (hey mom! Thanks again for watching my hooligans while I went to have this installed), but if it works, whatever!  See that little tiny hole in the center?  I have to try to insert a ‘key’ into that bitty hole and turn it.  Thankfully mine seems closer to my front teeth so I’m not gagging on the ‘key’.

The ‘key’ isn’t a key at all.  It’s a metal prong on a plastic stick that swivels so I can turn the key without gagging or banging into my lower teeth.

See? Now does that look anything like a key?  Uh no.  I have to insert that tiny end into the small hole and hope by golly I’ve got it in the right place.  I can’t see into my mouth when my hand and that stick are there so I’m just wingin’ it by that point.  Then I start to turn and by golly my mouth explodes … err, pulls, it pulls.

Orthodontists install these things quite regularly I guess, on kids.  Kids’ palates expand nicely with this, without surgery.  They often have it hooked only into the rear molars and BAM!  Their palate expands.

No, not really.  They have to turn stupid ‘keys’ too, but at least they can convince the other people around them to turn the ‘key’ for them, unlike in my house.  My blasted eldest daughter wouldn’t touch the thing.  Probably out of fear that I’d pummel her if she hurt me.

*ahem*

But wait, it doesn’t hurt!  Honest.  But it does feel like someone is pulling my face apart at the seams.  I turned the ‘key’ only moments ago and it wasn’t painful, just … well weird.

Oh you are SO going to get sick of my ‘key’ word, aren’t ya?

Expanders are a common appliance it seems, as I’ve known many kids that have had them in (one adult).  Yet it doesn’t seem to occur to people of the tooth minded as to why we need the expansion.  What is causing our teeth to be so crowded or our jaws to become deformed over time?

I know, not many other people out there are wackos like me who think up this crap, but seriously.  I’m of the mind that I not only want to fix the problem but I want to find out why it’s a problem in the first place.  Is it purely genetics to make my caucasian mouth narrower?  Because my head is definitely big enough to accommodate them.

I’ll turn the key once a day for 14 days and then stop.  On the 18th I have another short appt where we see if it’s working (I’m bringing my hooligans to that one).  We’ll know if my palate is expanding if I’m starting to have spaces between my teeth.  However if there are no spaces forming anywhere and the teeth where the appliance is attached start to stick out, then we know the thing is just pushing my teeth out.

And that means surgery.

We don’t want to go there.  So I just have to convince my mouth to be good and expand, and not talk to my dh about it or he’ll start giggling like a 17 y/o boypig.

Yeah, you thought it too, didn’t ya.

After turning the key there is a sensation that is hard to explain.  The closest I can come to is the word pressure.  You would think this pressure would occur only at the site but no, I have it all the way up into my nose.  Even my cheeks feel a bit of tension.

I’ll spend the next 2 weeks spitting all over people when I talk (aren’t you glad I talk to you through cyber space?) and drooling on my chin.  Because the expander is on the roof of my mouth, I can’t excrete every drop of saliva from my mouth when I swallow so a bit is always there.  Pretty huh?!  I talk like I’ve got peanut butter stuck to the roof of my mouth.

I really sound like I’m complaining, I know, but I’m truly not.  I know this is a long-run forecast I just have to wait out and hopefully not drown in my spit or spray too much on others.